Back from Hiatus

It will be two months come tomorrow that I haven't updated in this space. I've been hanging out too long in lj-land that there are now cobwebs in this space.

I just realized that this space has been going on for nearly three years. The past events during the past three years of my life are somehow documented here on way or another. From trivial matters of school work to matters of my heart and also the big transitions I had to go through from moving here in the land famous for it Maple trees, love of hockey and pot. I must say that somehow in some strange I have grown up some way or the other. I never thought that the impact of this would be so huge to the point that right now, I feel like a stranger in my own body and my own mind.

Sadly though, my dormant dis-"ease" and dis-"order" of Bipolarity reared its ugly head. Three weeks ago I started a depressed episode the likes that I have never encountered. For once, my mother suddenly showed concern and dotingness for me. This might have been a respite for me if I had been in a better state, unfortunately, I just feel like I am coddled. Where was the concern and dotingness during my formative years? Maybe if she gavve them to me then, I will be in a much better emotional state at this age. My doctor have upped my medicine and I am taking 1050 mg of lithium right now. If I am still depressed when she sees me next week, I will be put on Prozac and another pill. I am seriously hoping and wishing that sanity really do come in a pill! I hate popping pills everyday. BCP's are hard to remember to take and now I have several others coming my way.

Dearest Stranger and I are still friends but no one really believes us. I don't really feel any attachment to him or whatsoever anymore. I guess my mind's so filled with other shit that I can't really think of Dearest Stranger in that way anymore. Ikaw's back home and we haven't really been talking that often anymore which is good for me and my humungous monstrousity of a phone bill!

Tiredness out of doing nothing is kicking in, ergo, I'm ending this entry.

*****

I am Angel. . . depressed, fucked up and alone!