The affair isn't settled

Retraction

As per my last blog entry, I said that things between me and Dearest Stranger are gone with the wind. As it turns out, Dearest Stranger really hasn't decided on what he wanted to do with me. I thought and understood that we were over but he called me up three weeks after the little face-to-face conversation that we had. Actually he called the day after we had our conversation but I wasn't able to pick-up his call. I thought that it would be his last call because anyone would assume that the other party wouldn't want to talk to the other under the circumstances that we are in.

I don't know what he wants me to think and feel about our little affair. Tomorrow will mark our 8th month of "togetherness". I don't know why he suddenly changed his mind. It is totally out of his character to do this. I am so confused. I don't know what to think. I never expected another call from him. I really have prepped my self on taking a fullblown emotrip because of that break-up. He told me before that if he breaks up with someone they'll definitely know it and would feel it. From the way I know him, he's the type of person who tend to cut off people from their lives. I don't know why then he still called me.

Did I become that one girl who somehow affected a great change from him? Am I that one girl who is set apart from the others who has come and gone? Or is he keeping me for convenience? Or for ego-trip? or maybe, I finally become something for him?

I don't know. I really don't know. It just frigging confuses me even more. I was a bit fine before. I mean, I wasn't fine with the break-up and all but somehow I had a certainty of what I had with Dearest Stranger. Now, I'm back to where I started before. I'm back to wondering what the hell we are.

I am hoping that my gut feel isn't true. I am hoping that his call yesterday will be his last call to me. But I know deep in my heart that there will be another one.

I am back at it again. Me and Dearest Stranger are back at it again.

*****

I am Angel. . . confused.