The End of the Affair

Settling of Affair

It's funny how it seems like I have this weird connection with buses after me and Kiddo formally broke up on a bus. Things between me and Dearest Stranger started on a bus and ended in his car. And what's even weirder is that someone on the bus has caught my eye! Geez!

Anyhoo, you read it right! Dearest Stranger and me have officially gone kaput! It was one of those inevitable events in life. Besides, I can never really have him as he is a man of responsibilities.

These past few days I've been doing fine but right now, I suddenly miss him. He suddenly crossed my mind and evoked feelings that I promised myself never to feel. Suddenly, I wish we were in a different circumstance. I wish for more things even though I know that things between us are finally done and over with.

He said that "For now, we're over. I have to settle some things in my life first." Typical male break-up line. He will never settle things in his life. He will never leave her. He will never chose me over them. One thing I'm sure about is he'll forget me or rather he already has forgotten me. I am just one of them many girls who have come and gone in his life.

I would never recommend to anyone to choose the path that is often less travelled. It is so hard being in the situation that I am in. I never thought I'd be hurt this way. I never imagined that I'd miss him so much. I never imagined that I would wish for things I know will never happen.

I am more fucked up now because of this. I have been filling my days with a lot of activities just so I could repress the pain and all the emotions connected to it. But I guess, at some point in time those repressed memories will come out in the open.

I was a fool to think that somehow I will be different. That I will be that one girl who would make an impact on him. That somehow things will be different with me. But it's not. I'm just like everyone of them. I am just a **** and nothing else.

I guess, I am bound to be alone. I am not fated to be loved by anyone because I am not good enough. I am not good enough to be a real girlfriend or a wife to be. And now, I am not even good enough to be someone's mistress.

I know that I will never hear from or see Dearest Stranger again. I know it's probably for the best. I'm thankful though that he came into my life and showed me that I am still capable of caring and investing emotions in someone. He taught me a lot of things. I know that I don't mean anything to you, Dearest Stranger, but I hope you know how much you mean to me. You opened my eyes and my heart to possibilities I turned my back on a long time ago. Thanks Dearest Stranger.

*****

I am Angel. . . crying myself to sleep.