A commendation and a Recall

Merci Bella Chutybaba!

I often say that writing is my first love and that it is that one constant thing in my life. For many years I have thought that all I churn out are crap or "sickeningly failed attempts at literature" as one of my writing guild colleagues used to describe my work.

Having someone say that they were affected by my writing and that I should continue writing because they think I am good means so much to me. Doing something out of love and being commended gives any person the natural high that synthetic or organic drugs attempt to replicate.

Thank you Chutybaba for that vouch of confidence. Thank you for making me feel that maybe I have a chance in writing. Thank you Chutybaba for restoring a long lost faith in my own work.

Merci!

*****

IM's

Here is an MSN conversation I would like to share to you my dearest voyeurs. This is an excerpt from a lengthy IM session that a Goddess exchanged with Lovely Dear Chutybaba.

31/01/2006
12:08:20 AM
butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
we should all go out have a coffee or something. . .
Pio...such long days-)...
lol....awwww...i miss you too kiddo!! i know we definitely should!!
Pio...such long days-)...
it's been too long!
Pio...such long days-)...
oh and i wanted to give you a ( hug) cause i read your last blog but i haven't had a chance to reply
butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
ohhh. . .yeah? i never thought people actually cared about what i write.
butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
i write crap. LOL!
Pio...such long days-)...
no seriously i was in tears
Pio...such long days-)...
i know how you feel and i just didn't have the time and when i did i just couldn't get myself to write cause i would've balled
butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
which one are you referring to?
butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
is it the one about being alone?

Edited

butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
i wish i could say it would get easier but with you knowing me, i'm not really a credible source to say that.
butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
i'm so sorry.
butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
just vent out all your anger and frustration in writing.
butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
it helps. :D
butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
i remember that i've written sooo many poems and a short story too because of my many break-ups with my ex-boy.
butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
just let it flow darling. let it flow.
butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
just put your fingers in the home keys and everything will flow.
butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
a friend of mine used to say to me: out of the greatest pain and misery of our lives comes the birth of great masterpieces.
butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
at least, this is one positive side of being heartbroken.
Pio...such long days-)...
thats definitely true
Pio...such long days-)...
i like that saying
Pio...such long days-)...
i guess it's a good lesson but i just wish it didn't hurt as much...you know

EDITED!

butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
just keep writing my dear Pio. write until you fingers bleed and your hands are ink stained. type away your thoughts until there are callouses on your fingers. write because it eases the pain.
butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
i believe that there is solitude and peace in writing away our pain.
Pio...such long days-)...
it might be horrible but i can sleep better

EDITED!

butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
i know that thoughts are becoming more and more like a vicious cycle, putting it in writing eases the pain.
butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
hahaha! now you know why I keep on saying that writing is my first love, eh? LOL!
Pio...such long days-)...
lol
Pio...such long days-)...
cause it's the only thing that'll accept you for you..and love you regardless and doesn't harm you...i know

EDITED

butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
that's why writing sometimes does harm to you. . .
butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
but after awhile, that "harm" is turned into a written piece of work again.

EDITED

Pio...such long days-)...
i think you should do writing you seriously are good!!!
butterflyangel {CRAP! Winter term's here to stay!}
LOL! thanks darling but seriously, someone told me I suck. LOL! That's the reason I know that what I write is crap. Apparently I have the vocabulary of an 7th grader.

EDITED

Pio...such long days-)...
lol...you're sweet...but i think sometimes people have no idea the brilliance of their work....i mean you are really good...its a real expression and people are touched.

Thank you once again Chutybaba! You have restored something that I have lost a long-time ago.

*****

Update on Dearest Stranger

Unfortunately my dear Voyeurs, I chickened out the day I was supposed to end things with Dearest Stranger. I was all prepped up for it but I couldn't say anything.

Btw, things just got a tadbit weird. Dearest Stranger bought a house in AJAX!!! Of all the frigging places where he can buy a house, he bought it in the city that I AM LIVING!!! And he casually told me that the house he bought will be a 10 minute car ride from my house!!! Fantastic! NOT!!! And then he added, PANG will only be sleeping there for three days. . .

OH GREAT CRAP!!!! Why did you have to tell me all these things? You knew that I was a bit off that day but you just had to tell me all these stuff, eh? You knew what I was about to do but you chose to ignore it. You knew that we aren't going anywhere but still you keep on stringing me along. You know that you don't feel anything for me, but why?!? why?!? why did you have to tell me all these things?

And the weirdest thing of all, I STILL FUCKING STAY!!!!

****

I am Angel. . .sleepless in Canada!