An attempt to an impossible Feat

For Dearest Stranger

I wish I could tell you what's going on inside my head.

All weekend, I have been anticipating to hear from you. I have been expecting but my expectations and anticipations comes to no avail. And once again, I am crying.

It's crazy for me to think that we're still something because we never really did become anything. I've pushed myself to you. I have forced myself, again, to someone who is not able to commit himself.

For the past few months you have been showing me signs of neglect, of being unappreciated but I kept holding on thinking that maybe somehow you still needed me in your life and that I am more than a boom-boom. But I guess, I am just like them many ladies that came into your life. I am nothing but a stupid gullible girl who thought that I would somehow influence your life in a nice way. I was foolish to think that I would be more than anything in your life. If I was, you would have had put in more effort and you would have shown a bit of appreciation but no. . . All you showed me was neglect and cold shoulder.

I guess what I am really trying to drive at is that to rid you of the guilt of breaking up with me, I would do it. Tomorrow, I will be breaking up with you. I never imagined that it would hurt this bad. I never imagined that tears would flow freely like this. I never imagined that somehow a part of me would die. I never imagined that I would say this: I think a part of me really do love you.

I have never demanded much of your time. I have never asked you the whys and the how or what we are. I showered you with so much affection but I guess it just went by unnoticed. I never complained that much. But I guess, I wasn't enough. I guess I was still lacking something huh? I will never be good enough for you or for anyone else.

I never thought it would be this hard to break it off. I never thought that I would be this affected. We were never really attached that much. We never really warmed up to each other that much. We had so many boundaries and limitations that we never crossed but why do I still feel this way?

I will be breaking up with you tomorrow. I don't know how to do it but I will need to do it. I hope I'll have the strength to go thru with it.

I have never cut anyone off in my life but this time around I will be doing it. I think this time it will work for you have cut me off yours a long time ago.

Tomorrow, I will be attempting a feat that is near impossibility. I will be doing something that is against my personality. Once again, you've showed me something in me that I never thought I had. I owe a lot to you but I guess having a piece of me and a piece of my heart is more than enough payment for that.

*****

I am Angel. . . crying herself to sleep once again!