Para Sa Iyo

For Ikaw

I thought that I have flushed you out of my system but it seems like I haven't. My thoughts suddenly touches the past and of the now that we both have. I am suddenly missing you more and more each day.

Technically, I have someone else in my life right now. I both have him and don't have him in my life. It is a complex matter which I still haven't decided on what I should do. And then there's you.

You are a ghost of a long-dead past but I still feel like the past happened just a couple of seconds ago. I suddenly am longing for you again.

I thought I have resolved that I don't feel anything anymore for you. But alas! This is not the case. I guess, in my hearts of heart I am still hoping and praying that somehow we will find our way back to each other.

I miss you. I miss you now more than ever.

I'd like to say that I am praying and hoping that somehow we'll be something that at one point in our lives we planned to be but I know that it is not worth it and that we will never be. I think I still feel the same way about you as I did years ago, despite of all the storms that came our way.

But I have accepted what we are right now. I wish I could say that my heart is not aching or not being torn apart by our pretentious games but if it's the only way I could keep you with in my reach, I'd bear the aches and the pain.

I wish you could feel the way I am feeling. I wish you could fathom how much I still care for you. I wish you would know that I still am very much in love with you.

I miss you. I miss you now more than ever. But, I can't tell you this lest I drive you away again.

I have to keep mum about all these things. Maybe when the right time comes, I will let you know all that I am feeling.

Right now, I am keeping all these hidden in the deepest and darkest crevice of my heart and my mind. I will keep it there locked so that you will not know how and what I feel for now. There I will keep it for me to peruse, ponder and revel in the proof that I am a living, breathing and existing being. My love for you is proof enough that I am a human being.

*****

I am Angel. . . cursing the day Love chose to make GENYL.