{ Ramblings }

Event Filled January

A few more days to go and everybody this side of the world will be bidding January 2004 goodbye. This month is like one big crazy emotional rollercoaster ride for this butterfly brat. A lot of things happened and I'm still in that state wherein I'm still seeking the reasons and intentions why these things had to happen. I can not lash out to anyone. I got myself into this mess and I oughta get myself out of it. I just hope that the next coming months will be a little bit kinder to me.


*****

New Number = New Life?

09164372***

My parents put an ultimatum on me: buy a new sim card or they'll be keeping my phone. This ultimatum was made with regards to my telling them that ex-Honey and I used to talk. I guess circumstances are really telling me I should leave my past behind and move on with life. Would changing my number equate to my life being the same semi-perfect one before ex-Honey came back? Would changing my number mean forgetting a big chunk of my past? Would changing my number do me any good?

How I wish that in an eyeblink I could stop the pain, the confusion and the conflict. How I wish I could stop myself from analyzing things. How I wish I could hush and shush that little voice inside me. How I wish I could be happy like before. How I wish I never let ex-Honey in my life again. How I wish I could hate ex-Honey's guts. How I wish I could just change everything in my life. How I wish I could just take out my heart and the memories I have inside of me. How I wish I never fell in love and started to love ex-Honey. Maybe my life wouldn't be too complicated, not to mention, I wouldn't have shed that much tears.


*****

Dido - White Flag Lyrics
Album: Life For Rent

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of 'It's over'
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be


*****

I am Angel. . . still searching for answers.