{Senti}

Lyrics:  Rage Against The Machine  Bulls on Parade

Been There. . . Done That. . .

Its now out in the open. I've opened pandora's box. HIM knows how I feel for him. HIM rounded up his friends and now, the final verdict is. . . He's not ready for anything, he just likes me as a friend and that he hope nothing changes. THESE reasons were a big blow to my ego. I am not the type of person that takesrejection that easily. I've been in this kind of situation a couple of times already and I would normally distance myself from the person I like and heal my heart and bruised ego then after awhile I'll go back to the old ways that we were. This time, unfortunately, that is not possible. I have to stay put. Forget whatever it is that happened. Move on real quick. Be back to being a girl friend.

*****

Damn! While I was griping about my feelings for HIM I suddenly blurted out that if things don't work out like I  had expected it to, it would validate my being the "best" girl friend guys can joke around with, talk about other girls, and treat like one of the boys. I am starting to believe that I can never move up that ladder to being a girlfriend material.

*****

My friends are so concerned with how I am taking the rejection. I don't have the words for the emotions and things that have been going thru my mind the whole night. I've been rejected a couple of times already and I was supposed to be used to the disappointment but, unfortunately, I still am not. Frustration is that disconcerting feeling one has whenever an expectation, whether it may be positive or negative, isn't achieved. Rejection, on the other hand, gives me this pinching ache in my heart. It makes it hard for me to accept why things happened. It makes me more confused.

*****

I am Angel. . . I am heartbroken.