{Bitching about. . .}

Lyrics:  What If   BaBy FaCe

Its been awhile since he last visited me in dream land. I can only remember bits and pieces of my dream. As usual, there's the mind boggling time issue again. I am reminded ,again,  of my "lost and ideal" future. I am rationalizing that my dark chocolate ex-Honey came to my dream because my mind is unloading some memories and that my thoughts regarding him are slowly being packed and placed in the deepest, darkest corners of my mind. Or maybe I'm just missing him . . .

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"Babalik ka rin. . .

That's what I've always told  myself whenever I let go (or I get dumped by) of people that I've shared my heart for awhile. They'll come back and want me back in their lives after the(ir) pain/confusion is gone. I'm one proud bitch.

N*�* is wanting me back. Mr. Ok Ka Ba Tyan is also wanting me back. I don't want them back in my life. Why? Because I'll just be wasting my time. I could summarize my relationships with these people in one word: REBOUND! I don't want to take on the ludus love style. I am tired of breaking other people's heart. I am tired of toying around with people's feelings. I am tired of "wreaking havoc" in the lives of these poor innocent (?) guys.  For a couple of months I've tried the skewed philosophy of players and heartbreakers, it was fun. . . for awhile. After sometime I got tired of playing around and breaking people's heart. I guess being a bad girl doesn't suit me.

I don't know how to gently break it to these two guys that I don't want them anymore. That I don't and never did love them. I don't know how to tell them that I was just heartbroken that time and needed to feed my ego with some guys' adoration. They want the truth from me but I know they won't be able to handle the truth if ever I do tell them what's on my mind.Nobody could really handle the truth.

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I am Angel. . . a Heartbreaker.

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I'm going to turn 20 this coming July. I feel 30 already.