Emotions and Dearest Stranger

EMOTIONS

It's been awhile since my last post nearly a month ago. Not that I have not been blogging at all, it's just that I chose not to post any entry on this blog for some unknown and unforeseen reasons.

Things in my life are getting crazier and crazier as the days go by. Soon enough everything will be too overwhelming for me that I would just find myself waking up in one of the psych wards either here in Ajax or in T.O. I do not like DRAMA but it seems like it loves following me around to the point that some people would even think that I am a DRAMA QUEEN. For the record, I am NOT A DRAMA QUEEN. I am just a struggling nearly 23-year old young lady with major life issues.

So where do I start?

I am still without any significant other to call my OWN. Ex-Boy and I are still playing those silly games that we have been playing around for nearly two years now. Fuck! I am not even sure if we'll ever stop fooling each other and end this craziness. The status quo with Dearest Stranger is still the same. It is still blurry and wozzy as before. He still makes those sporadic calls to me but his plans of seeing me sometime the past two weeks didn't really materialize so I am not quite sure of what we really have. All I know is that I miss him dearly.

School's still fucked up. I am seriously considering taking a leave from University life and taking on a fulltime job for a year or two as my grades have been slipping from all the shit that's happening in my life.

I am still ranking my family as the numero uno DYSFUNCTIONAL familia in the entire universe! My mother still has this deluded thoughts that we are her minions, out to do any little tiny whim she wants and asks us to do. My Dad still is the silenced voice in our house. My Bearded Bro is still milking in the fact that he has a fucking bum leg. My Hip-hop brother is wasting away. And Afro-haired brother is growing up too soon.

I have a nightly cocktail composed of: BCP, Centrum Forte and Lithium downed with a humungous mug of green or lemon tea.

Work is still boring. If I could only find another job that pays as well and gives the flexibility that this job gives me I would switch jobs not just in heartbeat but with a blink of my eyes! I feel like my brain cells are slowly being destroyed by my routine and unchallenging job.

I am, once again, planning on moving out. But this entails having a HUGE amount of dough and so I have to save up.

Emotionally speaking I am not well. I am trying my hardest to be well though. Really hard to do but I am doing all the best I can. No one in my immediate family could know all the pain I have inside me. It's not in our family to talk about matters like these. We are expected to deal with all this shit alone. So I am doing the best that I can.

*****

Dearest Stranger

Here I am waiting your call. I am counting seconds turn into minutes. My heart is in my throat right now. I miss you so much. I wish I could talk to you and hope to let you know how much I miss you. I have so many things to tell you. I wish you do call because if not, I might just forget all of these. I might just have to let you go.

*****

I am Angel. . . waiting for Dearest Stranger's call!