May the Force be with you. . .
-- Obi Wan Kanobi
My dear, dear old friend
I utter you these words that they may guide you in your search for yourself. You have been confused far too long. The length of time that you have been in the dark (even though you are awash in it) is troubling. My heart aches knowing that you are still immersed in confusions, hopelessness and worthlessness. It breaks my heart to know that after all these years of soul-searching and self-discoveries you still haven’t found out what it is that you’re looking for.
My dearest friend, having a baby is a gift and a privilege from the Higher Beings. We should not enter these things lightly. I know how fond you are of children and how you adore them but having one without fully knowing what you want in life would just ruin that child’s life. It is unfair for that unborn child to bear witness to the struggles that you’ll have in order to find yourself and what you want in and with your life. I beg you to consider long and hard the consequences that might come about if you choose this path.
I will always be here for you. I will always be on your side no matter what. We might not ever be together again but we’ve shared so much that you will always be a big part of my life. I will never stop caring and worrying about you.
I hope and pray that you find enlightenment and that thing that would make you happy.
Lovingly,
Angel
*****
Hello Dearest
I heard from Dearest Stranger. I was surprised that I got a call from him. I thought that everything has gone with the wind. I thought that I will never hear from him again.
Apparently this thing that we both have is not over yet. . . or so it seems to me.
A lot of people are telling me to go take another path with regards to dealing with you. But right now I don't know what I should really do. I am still finding the answer as to which course of action I should take with regards to this thing we have.
A part of me is happy that you've remembered me. It made me feel that somehow even in the itty-bittiest of a way you care for me. It made me feel that somehow maybe we even have something special going on here.
But then. . .
A part of me is disappointed and annoyed. I let myself get into this thing again and would most probably make me feel fucked up a whole lot. I let myself give in to the giddiness of the situation. I let myself be strung along for a ride that is going nother. I let myself feed your ego. I let myself go.
I don't really know what to do right now.
There is the easy way out of this complexity but I chose to take the other direction for reasons that I really could not understand. Am I stuck in this situation forever?
Funny how all of a sudden I remembered you these past two days. Funny how I remembered a lot even though the times we spent were short. Funny how all of a sudden I find myself missing you. . . how I suddenly felt a longing for you.
Funny how I am starting to care even though this thing we have shouldn't really be here.
Funny how you both made me realize a lot of stuff about myself but at the same time made me question a lot of things.
You calling wasn't exactly fun. You just turned my life upside down again!
*****
I am Angel. . . coping with dearest stranger's strangeness.
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