Since I've been away

Updates

It's been awhile since I've written in this little home I call butterfliesandbrats. I've been away from this blog to fulfill little necessities in life, trying desperately to forget certain events that happened during the past few months. I've celebrated my 22nd year on this earth with a very heavy heart and tears that would not stop coming. I've also made some adjustments to my otherwise excessive lifestyle: cutting back on my expenses, reading more, cutting back on my drinking, trying to eat right, and exercising. I've been working out for almost a month and a half and somehow, it is finally paying off. A lot of people are noticing how I've been dressing up and how I've been losing weight. It's been soooo hot here in T.O. for the past few weeks that clothes that I don't normally wear back home I have been wearing here (i.e. Tank tops and skirts).
I've been living here in Canada for a year and a month now. I think I've adjusted to life pretty well here because if not, I would have gone home and would've not come back here for a little while. I still have the same dead-end job of answering and transferring calls, as I am a receptionist in one of the most established insurance companies here in T.O. I can still pay my bills and I am seemingly self-sufficient despite the fact that I am still living in my parents house. There are a few clashes with my family, with a few times my mom daring me to move out, but all in all everything is still fine on the homefront.

Moving out is still a big issue nowadays in my little circle of friends. Since all of us are earning sufficiently well and often have clashes with our family, most of us are contemplating making good the dares of our parents to move out. But there are a lot of things to consider if and we do move out and right now I don't want to go into the nitty-gritty of things.

I still have the issue of making one of the biggest decisions in my life and I know that soon I have to make that decision. What that would be I still have no clue.

So I guess, these are the updates on my life.

*****

Promises

Here I am Again
Making promises
I know I'll never be able
To keep

I've been contemplating
On things that
Have long been
Decided upon on

I'm falling deep
Into the dark abyss
Succumbing
To what is

I tried
Reaching out to you
To keep you
Within me

But there comes a time
To let go
For us
It has come and gone

I'm curling into
This hole inside of me
The darkness is too much
But I'm letting you go.

*****

Stop

Stop. . . yan ang madalas mong sambiting salita tuwing napapadpad ang usapan natin sa mga isyung sa tingin mo ay masyadong sensitibo para sa ating dalawa.

Para tayong dalawang mananayaw na ngayon ay magkaibang musika ang sinasayawan. Hindi ko na masakyang ang beat ng tugtog mo. Hindi mo na rin masabayan ang beat ng tugtog mo. Hindi mo na rin masabayan ang beat ng sayaw ko. Unti-unti ko ng napagtatanto na habang tumatakbo ang mga araw at panahon tayong dalawa ay palayo ng palayo at pa-iba ng pa-iba ang tinitingnan nating mundo. Unti-unti ko ng nararamdaman na may sarili at kanya-kanya tayong buhay.

Stop. . . siguro nga ay tama ka. Itigil na natin itong kahibangan nating dalawa at i-treasure na laang ang mga alaala na kung saan tayong dalawa ay iisa. Itigil na natin ang mga plano na sinimulan nung tayo ay sumasayaw sa iisang tugtog, hindi na ito maari sapagkat hindi na tayo iisa. Tayo ay may sari-sariling buhay na ang mga pangarap at mundong ginagalawan ay magkaibang-magkaiba na.

Stop. . . eto na talaga ang dapat na pareho nating sinasambit. Stop. . . stop. . . stop. . .

*****
I am Angel. . . barely alive.