COMPACT LOTSA IMPACT!
A few more weeks to go and I'll be officially bidding goodbye to our motherland. All day I have been packing the things that I would be bringing with me to my new country. Its so hard picking out things from my vast trinkets and "junks" of memories. It's only now that I can surmise that I am really a sentimental person. I was able to dig up a palangka letter written to me by one of my gradeschool buddies. A lot of memories came back to me.
Its so hard to fit almost 21 years of existence into two big balikbayan boxes which should only have a total weight of 70 lbs. 21 years of living downgraded into two boxes. The feeling I have right now is the same feeling I had when I realized that my life--academic wise-- can be summed up by a two and a half paged resume.
Its hard for me to move to another country now that I have formed bonds that might last a lifetime. Its hard for me to leave this country of ours no matter how hot, dirty, and poverty- stricken it is. But I have no choice, my family's moving and when family’s involved no child in his/her right mind would be able to argue against their decision.
*****
OF EX's AND DREAMS
Ex-honey's been invading my dreams lately. These dreams are leaving me drained of energy that I could spend for some worthy thing or activity during the day. I guess in my extreme attempts to forget him, I've repressed and suppressed to much that my subconscious is the one that's doing the painful and dirty processing of all the unnamable things and emotions inside me. My being is so scattered and my brain's so cluttered. Stress and changes in life should be WISELY spaced during one's lifetime, unfortunately for me, they seem to come in one big bang! Geez! I hope and pray the dreams, rather, the nightmares would soon stop.
*****
HATE
. . . is the metallic taste in my mouth whenever taunts and careless words are thrown towards me. Its the acid that intoxicates me, leaving me weak-kneed but enraged. My chest swells like a big balloon. My veins can be seen in my dermis, throbbing. Hate is one of the things that go thru my body whenever a nerve is touched and the unspeakable is tackled. You touched that nerve and damned you!
I would love to wring your neck like when I wash my white towels. I would love to put two sharp and double edged knife in your teasing eyes. I would love to give you a ball crushing kick. I would love to bang your head to the wall. I would love to torture you only stopping when I know you are near the edge of death. I would probably stop to look at you while you slowly die. G**! I hate my ***!
*****
FOR
Balisong
by Rivermaya
Someday, you'll share your world with me someday.
You mesmerize me with diamond eyes;
I try to fool myself to think I'll be alright.
But I am losing all control -
My mind, my heart, my body and my soul
Never in my life have I been more sure,
So come on up to me and close the door.
Nobody's made me feel this way before;
You're everything I wanted and more.
To speak or not to; where to begin.
The way dilemmas I'm finding myself in.
For all I know you only see me as a friend.
I try to tell myself wake up fool; this fairy tale's got to end.
"Never in my life have I been more sure,
So come on up to me and close the door.
Nobody's made me feel this way before;
You're everything I wanted (more)." (Repeat 2x)
You're everything I wanted
*****
I am Angel. . . NOYPI!