{Senti}

 

Lyrics:  Hanggang Ngayon  Kyla

 

Ex-Honey's calls . . .

My dark chocolate ex-Honey called me up and texted me yesterday. I don't know but things seem so weird to me. Its like I'm resisting something I know that I could not resist. I am suppressing my feelings for fear that it would consume me again and I would forget the big changes that  a year have effected on me. Ex-Honey has been calling me for four straight days now. I am not expecting something that I know I could never have again. Ex-Honey is now  a stranger and I don't know if I am strong and willing enough to go through the process of establishing ties again with him. I know people are calling me crazy and a martyr for still being friends with Ex-Honey in spite of all the things that happened to us. They all assumed that I have forgotten the pain and heartache that I went through and still going through even though it has been a year, one month and 19 days and counting.

I still remember the pain and the heartaches like it was just yesterday. I still remember all the harsh words that were thrown at me. I still remember every little detail about it. . . my wounds are still healing. I am more careful this time. I am using my head more this time. My heart have failed me a thousand times already and I am tired of hurting.

Ex-Honey haven't mentioned any intention of a possible reconciliation between the two of us. I sure will not bring up that topic. I am just enjoying the kilig factor of whatever it is that we have right now. I am conditioning myself to a lot of possibilities that might be brought upon by our "constant" talks and xchange of messages. I am enjoying and am also looking beyond the kilig factor of this thing that we have. I am telling myself that we are just friends.

I know that we will never just friends. But, with my confusion right now, its the closest thing that I could call our relationship right now. I just hope that a year really did some good changes to Ex-Honey. I know a year did a lot for me. I hope that Ex-Honey's not playing games anymore. I hope that, soon, there's going to be a clear delineation and definition of whatever it is that we have.

*****

I am Angel. . . haunted by a ghost of my past.