{Senti}

 

Lyrics:  Don't Want To Try  Frankie J

 

Ex-Honey Sentiments . . .

I'm confused. I talked to my dark chocolate ex-Honey last Friday night. I called him up first to thank him for remembering my birthday and after that he called me up. He says he misses me and hopes that everything's ok na. I don't know. I am so confused right now. Yesterday, he texted me. Just a simple text asking me how my day was going and that he just remembered me that particular time. I didn't answer him because I didn't have any prepaid credits yet. After like 15 minutes, my phone rang and it was him! He told me that he just wanted to hear my voice that's why he called. That call made me more confused.

I don't want to expect but I know I am unconsciously expecting. I couldn't help wondering why he called me up after a year of cold shoulder. I couldn't help wondering about a lot of things. I've prayed for this for a year and now that somehow my prayers are being answered it seems like I don't have the courage and the strength to face it. People are surmising that my dark chocolate ex-Honey is trying to win me back. That he realized after a year, 1 month, and 16 days that he lost a very special girl. I don't know what I should say if ever he formally asks me if he could win back my heart. I don't know what I should do.

I know that my semi-perfect life right now might be turned upside down if the two of us play beautiful music. I know that I might hurt a lot of people if ever I consider my feelings again. I know I would be again branded as a Ms. Misfit if I chose my feelings and happiness over this semi-perfect life that I have. I am just so confused right now.

He says that he'll be coming home this December. I told him to visit me if ever he visits somewhere near Manila. I am just so confused.

*****

I am also considering my feelings for this SOMEONE that I admire so much because of so many things. I've already told my bestfriend about him and he already got her vote of confidence! In a lot of ways he is an IDEAL guy. Someone you could bring to your parents and you wouldn't have too much trouble. I don't know if I'm just intrigued because he's a new person in my life. I don't know if I'm already infatuated with him. I don't know if I see in him a KUYA that I don't have. I know that he sees in me a little sister.

*****

I always told my friends and my family that I am giving God the reins in my life. Let His Will be Done. I know he's slowly answering all my prayers. He works in mysterious ways. I just hope I get His message before I make the wrong decision.

*****

I am fear-stricken these past few days. There's this very cold feeling in the pits of my stomach going to the extremities of my body. It feels like a burning but cold sensation. Its hard whatever it is that I'm feeling. I constantly need a blanket to fend of the cold but the blanket just fuels the sensation. I also feel confused. There're a lot of things going on my mind. A lot of questions, fears, what-ifs.

*****

I am Angel. . . very much confused.