{Senti}

Lyrics:   Your Body is Wonderland  JoHn MaYeR

Countdown to Quezon Escapade:

       
1 day to go

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A few more hours to go and I'll be off to Tagkawayan, Quezon with my friends and Sir J as our field supervisor. ^_^ I'm all packed and R E A D Y to G O!!!!^_^ I'll be MIA starting 2 am this May 2 until May 6. After that I'm back to my miserable and monotonous existence here in Manila.

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My mom and I had a fight a couple of hours back. She bit my head off because she sees me as an irresponsible person.*.: Angel :. Scratches her head and mumbles : me?!? irresponsible?!?* I'm fuming mad at her. I want to answer back at her but I wasn't raised that way. My mom sometimes gives us reasons why we should act "bastos" towards her at times. She's one of the recurring issues in my many therapy sessions with Ms. Sofie. Why couldn't she just tell us off and then everything be ok after that? God! Times like this entices me to go back to my old ways and to my old demented brat ways! Or maybe if I am dead, she'll notice the wrong things that she has been doing all these times.

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Sometimes, I just want to be somewhere far, far, far from home. Where I am literally alone and not just a feeling like now. My mom is one of those pretentious people. When you see her she would come off as a very responsible mom but the truth of the matter sometimes she isn't that. She is human also. She makes mistakes and when she does she doesn't accept that she made a mistake. I don't get it why there should be a need for her to feel high and mighty? I feel for my dad. I feel for my brothers.

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People say I should treat my mom with extreme patience. I should be understanding with her irrational and fallacious logic. But a person could only take so much. I don't want to go back to my old ways but if she keeps on doing this I have no choice.

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I am about to leave for Quezon in a few hours time and still my "tampuhan" with my mom isn't fixed. I don't know if we'll still be like this in a few minutes time before I go to 7-11 near my green and white school tomorrow at 3 am. I hope we somehow patch things up before we leave. God has weird plans for us, ergo, I don't want to leave my mom with a sama ng loob towards me.

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An Open Letter To My Nanay:

Nanay, i'll be turning 20 this coming July. I've been through a whole lot. A whole lot that my peers doesn't know the truth behind the new me that I am now. I resent what you told me kanina. I know I am a responsible person. I don't want to give you a list of the things that I've done for you because I'll sound like an egotistical disobedient daughter. If I wasn't a responsible person I would be probably dead by now. If I wasn't a responsible and strong person, I would have given up during the times that my mind and my life's a big mess. I hope you take notice that I am no longer a li'l girl. I've grown up. I am my own person. Please don't expect me to do things as you would do it. I am different from you. But even though we have this rift between us, I still love you. I hope we could fix things before I leave for Quezon. God has weird and mysterious plans for us. We never know what will happen in a few seconds, minutes or hours time.

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I am Angel. . . I am responsible.

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Weather Today: Bad mouthing, blood boiling, heart wrenching and tiring day.