Senti

Lyrics: Goodbye To You MICHELLE BRANCH

This is my pre-celebration of sorts to one of my most dreaded days. . .V-day. I've written this letter as my own way of forgiving myself and comming to terms to the imagined loss that I had when my dark chocolate ex-Honey carelessly said the words that I feared: "I'm breaking up with you. . ." These words were uttered last year at exactly 10:30 pm, 26th of May. It has been eight months and couple of weeks since that day and now I'm happier than I was before. I wrote this letter 5 days after I celebrated my 6th monthsary with myself. I guess this was the time I finally realized that I had to move on and just be thankful of the many memories of that two year Honey-Baby saga. I'm much stronger now and I know myself better now.

For my ex-Honey. . .Wherever you are, you'll always and forever be in my heart. Thanks for the good times and the memories. Thanks for teaching me two words: Love and Heartache.

"I guess this is it. The finality that both of us has been waiting for quite sometime now. I�m still in a crossroad/limbo wherein my heart says stay and be patient and my head says go on and stop loving the ghost of your past. But as the priest that I went to told me, the initiative shouldn�t just come from you. The cold shoulder and treatment you have given me these past six months and 5 days finally, finally made me realized that there is no part two in whatever it is that we had. I am surmising that the tears that I�ve had each night of these 6 months are loving tears for the past that we once had. Funny noh? Its only now that you realize how important and very special a person really means to you when you have already lost them. Don�t worry, this last letter wouldn�t contain anything that you expect me to say --- my usual blaming you for the bad things, my usual nagging, my usual whines and complains. Not anymore, Hon. Not anymore. I�m way past those things. I�ve grown up and changed. I know you�ve changed a whole lot also.

I�ve reflected a whole lot these past few months with regards to the two years that we�ve spent together. There were bad times but there were a whole lot of good times rin pala. Though the first few months that we were a apart, what I only saw was all the bad times--- the fights, the shoutings, the i-hate-you�s, and a whole lot of hurtful things that was said and done. But soon, I realized that this isn�t only what comprised our relationship. Somehow there was the semblance of love. I know at that time I was such a hard person to be with--- stubborn, na�ve, mean, complex, immature. I didn�t know how to go about showing my love for you and I over did it and suffocated you with the possessiveness and the stupid and insane jealousies. But that was the past.

And now, for the very last and nth time I�m thanking you for having the patience and the sanity to have stayed and have affected some change in my life. Thank you for teaching me a lot of things. Thank you for opening my eyes to the realities and cruelties of life. Thank you for being a part of my life. I know that you still think that the two years that we�ve spent was just a waste of time. . . was just a lot of hurts. . . but it isn�t really. I miss a lot of things about us, the way we were. And no, I�m not missing the _______ part of it. I�m missing the hugs and kisses you never fail to give me. I miss the quiet times that we�ve spent together just driving around town. I miss you fetching me at work. I miss the times we�d have a good laugh at ourselves. I miss the times that we just hang-out together dreaming and planning our future. I miss the times you�ll sing for me or tell me you love me out of the blue. I miss your lambings. But that was the past and now, I�ve finally accepted the grim and glaring fact that we will never be.

Sabi nga ni E**e*, ang dami ng nangyari sa akin, sa iyo at sa atin. He told me that whenever he sees me, ikaw pa rin ang nakikita niya. Hay naku! Ang Kuya ko talaga! You are my first love and you will forever be in my heart.

I�m praying that maybe someday we�ll be able to be friends. I know it wouldn�t happen in the near future because the wound is still there healing and kilala kita, di mo kakausapin ang taong malaki ang galit mo unless you are really, really ready to confront that person. Maybe when the time comes that we�re friends already, we�ll both look back at things and laugh at the stupidities that both of us did.

All these 6 months that we�ve been apart, I was looking for closure. And now, I�ve realized that its only me that can evoke that. There�re somethings that are sometimes just left without really some sense of closure, it�s the person involved na lang ang bahala to give themselves that sense of finality and closure. Well, finally na gising na rin ako sa katotohanan that we are never gonna be together.

Salamat E***l sa lahat. You�re still very much welcome in my, now ever-growing circle of friends. Thanks for coming in my life even for a short time. Thanks for sharing with me the life-changing experience of love. Marami pa akong dapat sabihin sa�yo with regards to some truths, but maybe hindi ka pa ready malaman ang mga truths na iyon. Maybe in God�s time, we�ll be able to get to talk.

We live in a probabilistic world. We never know what�s going to happen in the future, but I wish you all the best even if you will decide not to be part of it as a friend.

Thanks so much.

I will always love you.

Ur former baby and Angel"

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Of all the things I believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend. . .

---Goodbye To You Michelle Branch