A Mountain, Girls and the past

Brokeback Mountain

Saw Brokeback Mountain last night with the gang (me, Abs, E, and Ate K). It's a good movie, even though there are times I could hardly hear what Enid Del Mar (Heath Ledger) was saying and the picture having some weird long pauses (irrelevant scenes). E and Ate K shed a bit of tears at some point. It's something that I would recommend to homophobics and cowboy-wannabes to watch. It will definitely be an eye-opener for them and would probably cause major dissonance on their part. It's a good movie. Watch it when you get the chance.

******

Girls' Night Out

After the movie, we trekked/drove a li'l bit along Progress Ave. to go to Flavours which is this great dessert place. We just chilled for a bit and poured our hearts out with stuff about what's going on inside our heads. I was pretty quiet for the most part because they were talking about relationship stuff, which wasn't really was my concern at that time.

A bunch of topics were tackled last night. As usual, some of the conversations that we had proved my theory that there is no such thing as a monogamous relationship and that polygamy is the way to go. But, of course, it's just me. We also talked about how and why people's lives seem complicated. I think it is because we have such routinary lives that even though there is an easy and right way out; we choose to take the road that would result into more consequences that we have to decide on, therefore, making our lives complex. These complexities and dramas in our lives makes us forget how everything in this world seems like such a routine. People choose to be complex because these breaks us from our cookie-cut roles. People choose to live complex lives because it drives them away from dullness and the possibility living a life of boredom.

We have also tackled about how people seem to be controlling individuals even though we all know that we can not control anything at all. I believe that everyone has this control freak streaks in them and sometimes we just can't help but try to control things. I think the reason why everyone has this issue with control is because of fear. We all fear the unknown and the future, therefore, try as we may we consciously and unconsciously control the present. But the problem with this is that the present is a fleeting moment. It goes away in a blink of an eye that whatever it is we tried controlling a couple of seconds ago would be gone with the wind, therefore, making consequences that we would like to control as well leading to the complexities in life that we try to prevent and not get into. We can not really control anything, we just have to deal with everything that comes our way.

We also tackled the issue of a perfect world. There will never be a perfect world because the word perfect is relative. What my idea of perfect would be different from someone else's notion of perfect. I think there is only two universal thoughts in this world: relativity and change. Moving back to the ideas of a perfect world, me and E, sorta have similar views of the perfect world. Since my mind was opened to the thought that maybe there is such a thing as accepted polygamy but sort of just a repressed kind and never to be talked about thing of our society, it would make our world a li'l bit better if it was more blatantly displayed rather than it feeling like it is a taboo even though everyone is capable of being polygamous. I feel like this world will be a bit better to live in if this happens. Or maybe I'm just saying this because of the situation that I am currently in.

It was a good night highlighted by "philosophical" discussions about accepted polygamy, perfect world, life's complexities and it's inconsistencies. It was a combo of feeling high, miserable and confused with an infusion of madness. Yes, it was a good night of pouring our hearts and sharing our thoughts. It was a good night for our gang.

*****

The Past

Just when you think that life is seemingly ok, the past catches up to you.

People say that we should move forwards and not backwards. But it seems like things are reverting back to their old fucked up way. Frankly, I do not think I could handle another dose of the past. Once is enough. Twice would make me go mad.

I am afraid that I can not be the pillar of strength this time around. I have mentioned before that I would not be able to take another blow like this. But things are going back to how things were in the past. Sad to say, I am not strong enough for this again. Once is enough. Twice would make me go mad.

Is this Karma catching up on me? But then again, these things were happening even before me and dearest stranger crossed paths. Is there such a thing as advance retribution? Wherein Karma gets to you before you do a certain action. I am not strong enough for this again. Once is enough. Twice would make me go mad.

The past is the past. But the present strangely seems like the past. I wish for something else. I don't want this anymore. I am tired of this shit. I will not be able to take another blow like this again. Once is enough. Twice would make me go mad.

*****

I am Angel. . . wishing I had a pensieve!