{Senti}

 

Lyrics:  Again  Janet Jackson

 

Love woes . . .

Talked to my dark chocolate ex-Honey's sister. She greeted me a late Happy Birthday. I was touched, surprised and currently still in shock. I never thought that we (ex-Honey's sister and me) would talk again. We exchange sms quotes but never actually talk. I am happy and somehow disturbed and scared at the same time. My emotions are kinda jumbled up again. I am so confused these days and THAT CALL made things more confusing for me! I know I am over him but then again, this thing somehow in a very weird way made me hope for something I know I could never have again. I am starting to like someone new but I have to hold my horses. I don't want things to end up the way it ended up seven guys before him.

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Sheesh! Now, I am somewhat obliged to go to a get together this coming December in my ex-Honey's hometown. Ex-Honey's Sister told me that it is imperative for me to go this coming December to their place, supposedly, ex-Honey would be there that
time. I don't know what I should do now.

For one year, one month, thirteen days I have a semblance of an organized messed up life. I know I have a messed up life but somehow its much more manageable than before. Now, everything's a mess. A ghost is once again wrecking havoc in my life. I am, again, getting affected with a meaningless call. I am obsessing on something that I shouldn't be obsessing.

Bleak as though the possibility of me finding a new boyfriend (err. . . there's no suitor nor nagpapalipad hangin), I would rather have this "convenient" and "uncomplicated" life that I have right now. BUT, would I just stay in the convenient and uncomplicated life or exchange it to a life that would be complex and a bit inconvenient and with the person who I've given two years of my life to? Is convenience and uncomplicated life more enticing than being with a person whom I know I would love forever? Or these are just repressed sentiments that I've kept at bay for a year, a month and thirteen days?

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Or maybe these things are going thru my head because I am still in shock? Or maybe I am just sooo terribly lonely? OR maybe I am just lost?

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No amount of Z.I.Z.O.S.T. would help me this time. Psychobabble would only make my head spin more. Excuse me while a puke for a little while. . .

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I am Angel. . .a ticking nutcase!