{Bitching about. . .}

Lyrics:  Linger   CrAnBeRries

My love bubble has gone a bursting. My rose colored glasses suddenly made my seeing things quite foggy and hazy. It is quite cumbersome at times to be wearing these rose colored glasses and to be enclosed in a glaring hot pink love bubble. I guess this is it. I'm finally throwing the towel in to another would be but now halted love relationship. I am trying so hard to get into relationships that most of the times put myself in uncompromising situations. Its hard to be willing to try again to do something that most people just take for granted.

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Jolly Rower Boy and I had a misunderstanding. I guess it was my partly my fault why I'm feeling this low right now. I was the one who told him that I'm never again going to talk to him. I was the one who technically nipped the buds of our slowly growing love relationship. Now both of us have gone hiding. PRIDE suddenly took the reins of this unnerving thing that I thought Jolly Rower Boy and I had. I've imposed my own hiatus with regards to me and Jolly Rower Boy. I have to endure some days and weeks of not talking to him or seeing him. I need to take hold of myself. To learn the words RESTRAIN, REFRAIN, OVER REACTION, and most especially the word LIKE. I don't want to lose a friend or a possible lover but I feel this is what I have to do. Right now, I feel I'm too much involved in something that I am not even sure if I really have. Right now, I'm feeling again the FEAR of taking the risk and the consequences of taking that RISK. I feel so scared of whatever it is that I am feeling. I feel all giddy, hair pulling "kilig", starry-eyed, puppy look of love that I've already forgotten that I am capable of having. I am so scared of getting hurt.

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I feel like I'm falling for somebody whom I don't even know. My Japanese Acrobat Sister told me that I should take things slow. . . I don't like taking things slow. My idea of taking things slow is getting out of the picture and looking at things in the third person point of view. My idea of taking things slow is giving myself some ample space despite knowing the fact that I might not be able to keep that ample space all to myself. My idea of taking things slow is staying away from a person whom I really like and whom I really care about. I just hope that when I get back to him, he has sorted things out.